Tips to Rediscover Yourself After Divorce

January 28, 2022

When two people say “I do,” they promise to be with one another forever. Sometimes that everlasting connection changes, evolves in different directions, or otherwise loses its grip, resulting in divorce. The decision to end a marriage may not be anyone’s fault, and it is important to realize this when processing one’s emotions. Laurie Grengs Counseling can help you work through this difficult time with tips to rediscover yourself after divorce.

Complications of Divorce

Divorce is hurtful for many reasons. This split is more complicated than just ending a marriage. Other life elements are affected, and these are often overlooked until they manifest themselves into painful realities.

• A broken family. Divorce breaks apart the family unit on which you were accustomed to depending. Those with children may feel at fault for being unable to provide a happy, stable dynamic.
• Lost love. At one point, you loved your former spouse, and maybe you still do. Losing that affection and connection is a form of grief that will take time – and possibly help – to overcome.
• Shattered dreams. You and your former spouse may have had plans for your future together. Divorce derails those plans and can create anxiety when worrying about what the future now holds.

No matter the reasons for divorce, going through it is an emotional and difficult journey. Shifting your focus toward your new, unrealized path can help you along the way. When you open up the endless potential of this journey to rediscover yourself, you will realize your own progress and begin to heal your heart, mind, and soul.

When Children are Involved

Going through divorce is challenging enough for adults, and the process is even harder on children. When helping your child or teen comprehend and confront their parents’ break-up, try to keep an open mind and an open heart.

Listen to your child and meet their worries with compassion and understanding. They are likely confused and may even blame themselves for the split. Reassure your child that he or she bears no fault and be honest with your words. Let your child know that he or she can confide in and depend on you for guidance and emotional support.

Maintain your child’s schedules so that he or she feels a sense of stability though other aspects of their lives may be changing. If your child spends time in different households, be sure that both parents agree on care and discipline so that your child has consistency with routines.

Any conflict that arises should be kept away from the child. Communicate with your ex-spouse rather than using your child as a go-between. You child should know and feel as though his or her best interest is your concern rather than using him or her to get back at the other parent. This type of behavior is likely to create confusion and emotional pain for your children.

Feel Your Feelings

One of the ways you can recognize your pain and learn to redirect it is to acknowledge and feel your feelings. Throughout this process, you will experience a range of emotions – sadness, anger, frustration, doubt, confusion, and more. Some emotions may come in waves and feel more intense than others.

You may feel the urge to block out this pain, but to accept it is to grow from it. Suppressing these emotions bottles negative energy within, so allow yourself to feel everything you are feeling. Over time, this pain will lessen, but recognizing and feeling it is an important step in learning to heal from it.

Show Yourself Care

When traveling down a stormy path, it is more important than ever to take care of yourself. Know that it is perfectly acceptable to slow down, take a break, be less productive, rest, or even cry. Emotional and physical self-care looks different for everyone. You may sense varying physical or emotional awareness in response to this energy.

Recognize and understand what your body is expressing. Permit yourself to feel your feelings. Then, take deep, cleansing breaths to remind yourself that you are okay. Know that these feelings can neither harm you nor control you. They are here to help you learn to care for yourself on a deeper and more spiritual level. Take the time to walk yourself through these challenges with understanding and patience.

Express and Explore

You are defined by much more than your relationships – and your divorce. Reconnect with those things that fill your soul.

Maybe you enjoy creating art, volunteering, making music, reading, writing, exercising, or dancing. Activities such as these are healthy and productive ways to express your emotions, and positive expression helps to free your mind and body. Dive into your preferred choice of self-therapy or explore new ideas for investing time in yourself.

This can be a distraction – or a constructive way to use your pain to grow, learn about and rediscover yourself, and lay the foundation for a fresh start.

Lean on Others

Divorce is a personal struggle, but others can help you wade through the heartache, confusion, and emotional challenges. Self-isolation in times like this can only make you feel more alone, irritable, stressed, and discouraged. Reach out to family and close friends and lean on them for support.

Talking to others about your pain can help you bring it to light and manifest healing. Others can acknowledge your feelings and struggles and offer encouragement to help you through. By voicing our concerns, we are better able to accept and work through them at our own pace.

If you feel that your emotions are so intense that you need to talk to a professional, Laurie Grengs Counseling offers Life Coaching Services to help you find your way. Laurie will work with you to determine where you want to be in your personal life and help you find ways to rediscover yourself after divorce. Her guidance can help you realize your goals, regain your fulfillment of self, and learn to heal your heart. Contact Laurie today to learn more and schedule an appointment.