As each couple progresses in their life together, often there comes a time when the emotional and/or physical connection becomes strained. One partner may be more pre-occupied with work. Or a partner thinks more of him or herself at the expense of a partner feeling neglected. Also sex may have become infrequent, to little, or no contact, which may alarm one or both partners.
A first suggestion is to remember and remind yourself of the commitment you have made to your self, your partner, and your marriage. Commitment does imply rather directly that when times are tough, we, as a couple, become creative.
Here are seven steps to take when one or both of you are feeling alienated, scared, or confused about what is happening to your marriage.
Step 1: Act from love, i.e. respond to what is in your marriage now as an opportunity to know your self and your partner in a deeper manner. Such as keep alcohol use to minimum now, spending time getting other peoples advice, i.e. family, may feel supportive yet pick wisely who you listen to.
Step 2: Keep your verbal communication to “I” statements, i.e. I feel, I think, I want.
Step 3: Remember the order of a successful marriage is God, Marriage, Business.
Step 4: Empower yourself as a partner in your marriage by listening totally to your “other half” with no agenda as you are listening.
Step 5: Take time to soothe your self with a behavior that is uplifting so as you approach your marriage when it is strained you feel more refreshed.
Step 6: Share your daily agenda with the other and follow it. If your day changes send off a quick update to your partner and ask what thoughts they have about the change in the lay out of the day.
Step 7: Always put yourself “in the shoes” of the other person, your love of your life, at least this person was at one time, needs to know you get them and are willing to learn, grow, and be teachable.
I, Laurie Grengs, Psychologist am here if you have any questions. You can contact me via email at or via telephone at 763-572-2326.