In her years of being a toddler, Sabrina experienced some of the darkest moments of her experience of living in the cult. She watched young children, as she was, being dragged by their hair into dark rooms were screams were the only sounds to be heard by the children locked in cages. Cages were the the holding container for all the children. The adults of the cult would bring their rifles to the cages and put the rifles in the hands of the children. The children were forced to pick who would die next.
Sabrina would spend hours every day huddled in a corner of her cage with no clothes, hoping beyond hope, that someone would stop all this killing.
These memories were always a part of Sabrina’s knowing and to keep these memories at a distance emotionally, Sabrina would think about her clothes hanging in her closet as a little girl. She would fantasize about all the possible pretty dresses that “could” be there, anything to distract her from the horror. As Sabrina survived her early years in the cult, the cages continued to be the holding ground for her and the other children. The intense and constant review of how she would intercept a cult member and grab their gun or rifle was on the forefront of her mind. She was determined to find a way out of that house. Each time she would attempt to intercept a cult member, she would be taken to the tree out back of the house. There she was hung and moments before she would die from the hanging, they cut the rope, she would drop to the ground, and would be kicked repeatedly by an adult of the cult. She would scream in pain, yet no one existed on those premises that had any intention of assisting her freedom or the other children’s escape.