As Sabrina wept in her psychotherapy session, she asked me her psychologist, what do I do with all these feelings? I cannot bear to feel them anymore. Her memories of the past were rushing into her waking hours, haunting her every thought and decision. Her momentum to create the life she always envisioned was slipping. The memories and subsequent feelings were sapping her of her ambition to get free. The trauma from her past was gripping her very being.
In this session Sabrina was describing the horrors of having an emotional and sexual relationship with her husband. She asked me, her psychologist, when do my husband and I get marriage therapy? At least, she asked, some sort of marriage counseling. She knew the past had its grip on her, yet to differentiate between now and then was a challenge. Each step she took to be emotionally vulnerable with her spouse, she would collapse in tears for fear if he knew her completely he would leave.
In the Satanic Ritualistic Abusive Cult Sabrina was raised in, she had torture chamber experiences. She was taken into a room where she was tied to a bed naked and her hands and feet were spread open and tied to the corners of the frame the mattress laid upon. Her eyes were covered with tape that ripped at her flesh and burned the cover of her eyes. The adult cult members broke glass in the room and shot off guns as they would repeat to her, “You are evil”, “You are a reincarnate of the devil”, “All that we do to you you deserve and have asked for”. They would demand her to repeat these beliefs back to them over hours at a time and over many years. Each time she repeated these beliefs out loud back to the cult members her brain took a turn toward confusion and subsequent brainwashing that would eventually control her every thought.
A next step in Sabrina’s psychotherapy was to eradicate the brainwashing. This would involve needing her husband to assist. I began to discuss different options, i. e. couple’s counseling with Sabrina.