Many couples struggle with problems in their sexual relationship. The research shows that 8 out of 10 couples at any time are feeling their sex life in their marriage is dissatisfying. Few couples will openly talk with their friends or family about this concern. Each person in our culture does experience “heavy doses” of shame about their body and their sexuality at some point in their life time. Shame is the feeling many describe as ” I feel not good enough”, “I feel something is wrong with me”, or “I feel I am broken in some way”. The feeling of shame will stop most people from talking about what is happening for them sexually and/or shame will “push” people to act on their feelings of dissatisfaction, i.e. developing a sexual relationship with someone other than their partner.
How to effectively deal with the struggles you and your partner are having sexually is to follow the following 5 steps.
Step 1: Acknowledge to you partner that there are feelings of dissatisfaction sexually.
Step 2: Express these thoughts or feelings about your sexual relationship with kindness, openness, and staying calm in your words and actions.
Step 3: Tell your partner what the specific struggles you are having with sex and use “I” statements.
Step 4: Make a plan on how together you as a couple will move forward to make the changes so you both have a deep satisfaction with your sexual relationship, i.e. plan regular date nights, read together books on marrriage (Getting the Love You Want), or make an appointment with a psychologist or a marriage therapist.
Step 5: Get a physical from a Functional Medicine Doctor, Gynecologist, or Family Physician. A Functional Medicine doctor can also check on many facets of a person’s physical health that is broad and deep in the assessment of your health including your sexual health.