In marriage therapy or couple’s counseling, exploration of the feelings of each partner in therapy is relevant, for many current feelings that come up for a couple are feelings from childhood. In facing these feelings with the assistance of a skilled marriage therapist or psychologist, it allows these prior feelings to be identified. A next step is exploration of where the feelings are “held” in “our” body. Then upon this increased conscious awareness of where the feeling is stored in the body, the feeling can be expressed, felt, (in the therapy session) and as a result of facing, feeling, and freeing the feelings, transformation and letting go of the old feelings does occur.
From this point forward facing, feeling, and freeing will referred to as” the three F’s”.
Erica screamed her anger in the sessions often, for her rage and anguish about her Father’s repeated violation of her body haunted her waking hours. Erica often thought about why her vagina hurt often upon her touching herself in masturbation. Her Father had used more than his fingers to insert into her vagina. He put bottles that were too large for her opening to her vagina. Erica as a child would scream in pain and horror as he shoved the objects into her body and would whisper in her ear “how she so very much wanted him to do this and she so enjoyed it”. For Erica this trauma was a nightmare of a memory and would often manifest as a depression.
Erica often when expressing her anger in the sessions described the experience as feeling shameful. Shame being a feeling which holds the person “hostage”. Shame is a “dead” emotion and binds the person negatively to an experience. For shame is the feeling “I am bad”, “I am not good enough”, and/or “I am evil”.